cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
