It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
