My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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