he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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