Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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