why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize