i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
