Got a toothbrush?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
