Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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