this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
