yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
