woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
