dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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