why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
