I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We are two peas in an std pod
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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