I can't breathe out the right side of my face
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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