if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
