I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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