I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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