When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
