When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
