I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
