So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
