I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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