So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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