Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
