Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
