go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
