Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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