Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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