If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize