Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
