Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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