What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Randomize
