Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
