I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
