When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
