tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
