She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
