cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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