i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
