nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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