Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
