Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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