I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
