He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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