My first STD was from a foam party
Plan B is the new Plan A
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
