ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
