woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
