Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
