Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
