I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize