It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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