She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize