dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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