I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
