After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize