if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Randomize
