you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
