There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
