Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
