i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
