You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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