Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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